Just Like That

I have been undergoing so many emotions that it was difficult to put them in words for me. More than what I feel it’s the emotions which Sam is going thru and her most cooperative behavior which is bringing me to tears everyday. We were more anxious and emotional when Sam came than this time around. Now it’s the physical difficulties (I have had a bad first four months). I don’t look forward to when I will hold the baby or anything like that. I simply don’t know why. I somehow MISS Sams birth Mother. Whenever I tell my friends what happened that day, they tell me that Sam is saying all these things only because she is living with us or because R and I are her Parents now. It may be true but I cant help thanking the Woman who brought her into this world but unfortunately do not have the opportunity to see her grow up.
Some of the things that brought me to tears in these past three months
1. Sam was the first one to know the news of my pregnancy from us. Her reaction is Thank god (hammayya). We asked her why that expression, she told us Roshan has a baby brother and now she will also have a baby brother. She thinks only Boys are born (Unfortunately there has been only one birth in my family since Sam is home that is Roshans brother, so she thinks only boys are born). When we tell her it can be a girl or a boy she says she wants only baby she doesn’t want anna. I assure her that it will be a small baby.
2. My MIL was eating in the kitchen and suddenly Sam enters kitchen and asks with an authority “Nanamma, Did you give food to amma. Please give her food and then eat”. My MIL just opened her mouth and couldn’t speak for some time. This happened during early months. Past two months she is insisting that I be given food/something drink that R, my mom are continuously surprised (don’t ask me how she knows that if I am taken care baby is also taken care, I don’t have an answer)
3. When I had to be in hospital for couple of days she was most co operative but not without her favorite question “How do I open this”, referring to the drips I was being given. Sometimes I feel she will become an engineer as she loves to open ANYTHING.
4. She shares her most favorite things with me (including the most precious Kinder Joy chocolate) and says she is sharing everything with baby so that baby will be her best friend.
5. Two weeks back she named the baby Pandu and now insists everyone call the baby only Pandu. When R by mistake called baby she said “daddy, why are you saying baby, the name is Pandu. Please call baby Pandu”. R was like sorry Sam.
6. Past two weeks she kisses Pandu bye when she is going to school as we kiss her when she is going to school.
7. Yesterday morning she told me when Pandu comes (she still doesn’t know the dates and weeks and Months but just knows that Pandu will come out of Mommys tummy after her and Mommys happy birthday) we will all go to beach and she will tell Pandu not to play in sand. Don’t ask me if she never touches sand. That’s her fav activity when we go to park.
I can go on and on and on. There are many days (infact everyday) I feel happy that its Sam first and not this baby who is home first as I feel Sam is enjoying every bit of see her sibling being born and she is most proud and waiting for the big day when the baby calls her akka.