Books I read in December

My reading has hit rock bottom after I became mother. NO I am not unhappy. Sometimes doing/not doing some thing do not really matter when you are happy. Now we are busy and happy in raising our child. I recently read couple of books

1. If god were a banker
2. Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew (for the second time)

I didnt like the first one great as it felt too familiar. The plot as it is OK but the ending was very bollywood style but thats how its happening in real world. Whatever way you screwed up career, if you are smart you can always re start your career.

what I would like to talk is about second book. I read about this book when we were about to bring home sam. My friend gifted it to me (rather shud I say I never bothered to pay) as I could not find it in Chennai even after trying for 3-4 months. I read it same time last year and could not relate to every thing. But here I am read the same book again after a year and could relate to almost everything. This is an eye opener for everyone who thinks raising an adopted child is same as raising a bio child. but the emotional needs of an adopted children are so different that we need to be looking for signs (of loss, grief anything that they may not be able to start conversation because of their adoption) most of the time. The synopsis is

1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted, and you are not responsible for my sadness about it.
2. I need to be taught that I have unique needs arising from adoption loss, and I need not be ashamed of them. Please talk about this with me from time to time.
3. If I don’t grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you or others, or attach emotionally, may be somewhat hindered. (Grieving brings healing).
4. Unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.
5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption, and please validate them.
6. Just because I don’t talk about my birth family doesn’t mean that I don’t think about them.
7. Ttake the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family.
8. I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history no matter how painful or difficult the details might be. (Very difficult information should only be shared at age appropriate times in your child’s development).
9. I am afraid that I was “given away” by my birth mother because I was a “bad baby.” I need you to help me not feel ashamed.
10. I am afraid that you too will abandon me. (This is the universal fantasy for all adoptees).
11. I may appear more whole than I actually am. I need your help in putting the missing pieces of myself together so I can develop my independent identity and a positive sense of myself. (This is especially crucial in adolescence).
12. I need to develop a sense of personal power.
13. Please do not say that I look or act just like you, because I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences, as well as our similarities.
14. Let me be my own person, but don’t let me cut myself off from you.
15. Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption and, when I am older enough to ask, don’t tell other people my story without my consent.
16. Birthdays may be difficult for me.
17. Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times.
18. I am afraid that sometimes my adoption issues may be too much for you to handle.
19. When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me and respond wisely.
20. Even if I decide to search for my birth family (or visit my birth country) I will always want you to be my parents.